pelottaa että historia toistaa itseään.

pelottaa että vaistot ovat taas oikeassa.

kaipa niihin pitäisi jo alkaa luottaa kun
aikaisemminkin olisi pitänyt.

loppukaneetiksi laulunsanoja proppikselta:

Without love breathing is just the ticking of an unwaiting clock
Counting down the time it takes for you to comprehend
the sheer magnitude of every single precious breath you've ever wasted?

Testing testing 1 2 3..

testailen tässä Deepest Senderiä.. jos toiminee niin onpas kätevätä =) Nyt takas parkourin pariin ->

Nyt sai riittää.. lopetan olemasta liian kiltti. Tämä paska on jatkunut aivan liian kauan.. aivan vitun sama. Jos ei kelpaa niin ei kelpaa. Jos vittu koittaa kaikkensa että toisella on hyvä niin ei siinä muuta voi. Minä en jaksa enää elää. Aivan vitun sama. Olkoon tämä paska eiköhän ole nähty jo että tässä maailmassa ei ole mitään todellista vaikka kuinka luulee niin. kiitos. kaikille.

Vastaa minulle tähän postiin, niin kerron sinulle syitä, miksi pidän sinusta.
Laita tämä sitten omaan journaliisi, ja levitä rakkautta.

Tällä haisevalla paskaläjällä meni just hermot niin totaalisesti ettei ookkaan sitten vähään aikaan mennyt.

Now it's done. On saturday I moved my stuff from the old apartment into this warehouse thingy at Uusikaupunki. And on monday returned the key. Good bye Vasaramäki, I'm going to miss ya!

So now it's time to think about what to do next.. There's so many doors open that I'm going crazy just thinking about them. I would love to be able to go through many of them at the same time, but that being impossible I just have to pick one. Although there's no rush to that. Think I'll explore the possibilities a little further, go and have a peak at each door with binoculars or something of that nature.

I found something extraordinary while visiting uuSIKAuPUNKi, and that road needs further exploring methinks!

Also, there is a slight need to stop drinking my liver to pieces.. The problem is, I've been having pretty much fun while doing it. Maybe a few more weekends and then it's over for a while at least. Probably a few months.. yea I know, I'm setting the rim too high, but one has got to have dreams, right? Right?!

So anyways, I don't have an apartment at the moment. If anyone knows anything or has suggestions send me a private message x) It's quite liberating though and at least for now I'm enjoying it. Just that all my records and books are packed up too and I just know that I'm going to miss them a lot at some point in the near future. My life is in a little backpack. And for that I am truly grateful (that I have at least that bp full of clothes and a toothbrush.. oh and bought some Yerba Maté today too).

Soooo, now I'm in Turku, on thursday it's off for Tampere and a nice gig (Derrida!) at Vastavirta-klubi where I promised to help out with the distro. Going to be a blast I'm sure! (and it's not going to help out on my drinking..) After that it could be Forssa, if things go well =)) Or it could be almost anything.. should visit Sören in Germany sometime too, heard that he's getting the Finnish sauna almost ready down there. And I would love to see their eco-place anyways.

Oh well, it's almost 3am and I think I should at least try to sleep now, tomorrow's a new day and I'll probably get my hair cut and eat lots of yummy vegan food on the best restaurant ship in the world! Over and out, take care everyone who managed to read this far!

Pick me back up just to throw me back down...

How to climb out of this hole? How to be able to feel again;
to see and hear and taste. I've lost my senses, my appetite
for life. It's been like this for a while I guess. I've
regressed into a mere shadow of a human being. Not knowing
if my tongue is older than my teeth, or how to function
in the most basic levels of sanity. Can't sleep and if I
manage to there's all these weird dreams. A few nights ago
I was sure that my eyes were floating above, watching me
do yoga in my sleep.

Compassion heals while duplicity kills

Something tells me that there is a way out of this. A path
that I have been traveling before. A winding curve and a
few hills to fly off of. There's beauty in misery that
cannot exist but it still does. And I am Miss Universum.

You moved up the ladder at a very rapid speed

I move methodically and calmly. There's silence before the
storm that is coming. Somewhere in time my memories reside.
They float in the waves of recollection. And I haunt myself
like a spectre of light in the midst of a swamp full of
wretched corpses and grabbing hands. They feed on fear.

If I knew back then what I know now

Never look back or too much forward. A motto. A mantra.
What do I know of anything that is sacred in the eyes of
my being? Nothing and everything. And when you observe
true love, you are blinded by hope. Everlasting happiness
and green pastures for all the sheep to feast on.

The only thing different is, the way i feel about you.....

Only thoughts that are pure and come from deep within can resurrect.
Only words and images projected to the walls and cavities of your skull.
Only sorrow for what could have been but never will.
And only love lost, memories faded, dreams shattered and broken
can make for a new beginning in the end of the journey that has passed.

I am alone in the center of the earth where it's too hot to even melt.
But I had something that no one else did. For that I would gladly die.

Is this life? To stand here and wait.
In this city forged of scraps.
Is this life? To stand on the dead.
On feces and sweat.
Is this life? It's starting again.
Quick, gather your belongings and go.
Run while it's still dark.
Out here you're as good as dead.
Leave the shots echoing behind.
Don't look back until you run out of land.
When you think there's a second that you can't be seen,
the current can decide how this night will end.

Don't try to imagine what's ahead.
Let nothing cripple your will.
You will cross enormous distance only to arrive.

With nothing you will give all you have.

If you navigate your way with endurance and success,
if you pass the obstacles and still have your life,
if you've escaped death, if your guts haven't withered away,
if you haven't broken under the strain.

They won't be welcoming.

They forget a time when their land was swelling.
A monstrous movement across the sea.
When she relieved her bowels all over the world.

Don't try to imagine what's ahead.
Let nothing cripple your will.
Just follow the paths that they cut into the
earth right back to their door.

Had they been the ones dying under the cooking sun,
picking through the dust, scratching at the barren earth,
had it been THEIR insides spilling into the sand,
they'd see on cracking land their spirit cannot triumph.

Take a breath.
Sit back and relax.
Enjoy your moment of peace.
You'll soon be back in the middle.

Prepare for this one to make you flinch in disbelief.
When you catch a glimpse of those just following the
paths that got us to where we are.

Who are these human shadows with still-beating hearts?
Scratching at the door to our paradise.

Is this paradise?
Beyond the distant hands of the world.

Here we all think we don't belong but
still bow our heads to our Emperors.

Is this all there is?

Maybe we reallyhave nothing to say.
Maybe we truly are just shallow and lame
and we're all just waiting for the end,
the spectacle, or some kind of catastrophe
to bring us back to earth to stun our ever nodding heads.

To introduce us once again to the one incorruptible
as she flushes us from her veins.

Kills us to live again.

In case you wonder - I'm not trying to be cynical.
I know how you feel - If your life's at disconnect.
In case you wonder - "What the fuck's wrong with me?"
If it all makes sense you're the furthest fucking gone.
They've got badges that they cover with their hands while
they're bashing your fucking head.
They've got graveyards that they'll fill with that head
if you start getting anywhere.

I won't pretend that we're on the winning end.

But when did that matter before anyway?

That never mattered before anyway.

Vituttaa. Ei mulla muuta.

Tai no joo tässä takakanteen tuleva kuva:




Teksti on hölynpölyä kun en vielä ole keksinyt mitä siinä pitäisi olla..

Tällästä tuli tuossa väsättyä jokunen hetki, se on meidän lempparikoira Emma =)

That's right, I really am an Acid Blob. At least a Blob =)

Nothing much going on here, except the ever-ongoing drawing and painting process. At least I've managed to get something done. Hopefully I'll get more of them done soon so I can finally start harassing LIKE-publishing to publish my fucked up comics. The title being "Luonto kostaa" in Finnish; not sure yet what it will be in English though. I hate it that my Finnish title sounds neat but you can't really translate it to sound as good in English =/ Anyway, the covers are almost finished, and I have about 15 "strips" on the making at the same time, some of them finished some of them not. And I need a lot more, I know.

Also, I probably will try and get to some learning institution next fall, so I should be studying like hell right now. The only problem is that I haven't really decided on where to apply to. I'd like to go to the art academy but then again I don't believe art is something someone can teach you, and also, I hear they have a serious problem with the funds and all. So it might not be a good idea to waste away for 5 years there getting to do nothing interesting.. Other options available would be to translate English, learn about Art history or something to do with architecture, there's so many things that could be fun and interesting. And then again I'm not sure if I'm ready to go to school anymore. Don't have a job and seems it's hard to get one so it would be nice to do something atleast.. oh well, time will tell (whoah, maybe I should be a poet!?)

Oh, Oh!!! Almost forgot, I'm kinda thinking about if I should try to get tickets to the Einstürzende Neubauten show, they were here in Finland 25 years ago last time, I was three years old and have this strange memory that my father couldn't stop talking about them.. =)

Decisions decisions decisions.

We went to see Marjane Satrapi's Persepolis tonight. "We" being me and Jenu together with Peikko and Atte.

Haven't really been acquainted with Satrapi's work before, other than reading a little of the Persepolis I -comic book published in Finnish. After seeing the movie (directed by Satrapi herself, which is always good) I'm pretty convinced that I'm going to _get acquainted_.

The movie was good. Very good. It made me laugh and cry and do both at the same time, which is kind of strange, but fresh in a way unmeasurable by mere words. I still wonder why the name is Persepolis though; I know that Persepolis was an ancient ceremonial capital of the Second Iranian Dynasty, and also known as Parsa (ha-ha. I hate Parsa (read; broccoli)) to the Persians. Anyway, I wondered about the name because in the book and in the movie they're in Teheran. The place that exchibited the Teheran Council of 1943 where Josef Stalin, Franklin D. Roosevelt and Winston Churchill discussed about the role of Finland and the main point being that Roosevelt and Churchill wanted Finland to retain its independence and democratic society while Stalin offered to make peace with his own agenda. Maybe Satrapi chose Persepolis to depict the social and cultural change rather than the actual place. Or maybe just because of Stalin. Who knows.

I liked the film. And would strongly suggest everyone to at least give it a try. Loved how the animation was done. Although, I managed to find some information that I don't yet know what to think of, take a look at this link:

http://plateauofiran.wordpress.com/2007/09/24/deep-investigation-on-marjane-satrapi%E2%80%99s-identity-author-of-persepolis/


I don't want to get into all that right now, liked the film, and that's what matters. Not if she's really a princess of the Qajar dynasty or not. Art is art. Except the stuff Teemu Mäki does. =) no pun intended, of course. Off to bed!

Phew. Just realized that it's been almost a year since I've posted. The last before the one I just posted was dated december 2006 =)) I must have the worst memory ever..

"Everyone's a souvenir."

Love is laying on the sofa, I'm thinking about things undone. Mainly paintings.
Fortunately work ends on Tuesday so there's plenty of time to start what I call
"the Fall Frenzy". It just always happens. The Leafes start to Fall
(note to self; Find out where your Fall of the Leafe album is) and the mind starts
it's own course towards creation.

A lot has happened. I had a pretty bad concussion a few weeks back, as a result
I ended up getting home from a perfectly reasonable evening at the bar listening
Micragirls at about 8 in the morning remembering nothing more than walking to the
bus stop thinking "I have to get home". Ended up at Peikko's house and slept like
a mormon on drugs. When I woke up, reality stared me in the mirror. I hadn't even
noticed the scars on my face and knees and elbow when I had staggered to bang
Peikko's door. Ya see, even my keys had gone, not to mention my (or actually Jenu's)
bike.

The next week and a half went on a delirious trip. I think my head has never hurt so
much before. And on top of it all, I have this thing about hospitals. Enough said,
didn't go there. Should've. But didn't. After a week or so just started to read on
the topic and convinced myself not to go unless it gets really bad. Didn't have to go.
What a relief I tell you!

"And still those voices are calling from faaaaaaar awayyyyyyy"

It's been a few weeks and things seem to get a little more normal. Don't have any
nausea or anything. So I guess I just fell with the bike or someone had put something
on my drinks or something, passed out, probably woke up for a bit and then decided that
I need to sleep. It's just crazy because I can't remember anything. Anything. And that's
what bothers me the most I guess. Not knowing. Anything could've happened. I've lost a
few cards from my wallet but not any money. A mystery.

"Sometimes I think of all the places I don't wanna go, then I think of all the things I never wanna do, think've of all the people I never wanna meet, I close my eyes and I go to sleep."

Hmmz. We've been talking about a trip to Germany. To visit Oona and Søren (Oona, you can write the name correctly! Just push the Alt -button down and type 0248 and you'll have the ø -letter =)). Maybe get some tattoos while we're there. O knows a tattoo artist in Hamburg and both of us are really excited. Although I need to get mine done with White only. All other Tattoo colors have blue in them and I'm allergic. But I think it'll be wicked anyway =) At least I'm not getting something that's from the calendar of the Everyday People. Haha! Jenu almost already knows what she's gonna get. We need the artwork done though. But the concept is there. Time is running short though. Have to see what comes of it. There'll probably be pictures posted after all is done for all you addicts =))

"Marsu hiihtää kadulla vastaan ja lyööööööö"

Oh, I've really developed a new addiction. Boardgames. It's not that I didn't like them before, but now I can't really get enough of them. I didn't know there's all these mind-boggling puzzles to solve until just recently. I love a challenge. And there's so many brilliant designers out there making them. It's kinda like "beat the system" and all that. But molded in a miniature world and society.

"sora ni negai umi ni omoi
kimi ni kodoku hoshi ni yume wo
tsuki ni kokoro boku ni namida
yureteru kuuchuu buranko"

It's just well and good to end up listening to my favorite jap. G'night all. Perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps. I'll write more. Since there's time on the horizon and my dreams are all vivid. Take care.

I've been in a bad flu for the past couple of days and it is really starting to piss me off big time. I usually get sick when the fall comes, and now that I didn't I was starting to think something is wrong.. but hey hey hey, it's the lack of snow so my body obviously thought it's better to wait a while before coming up with any new ideas. So here I am, trying not to use too much of the world's forests while sneezing my polyps out of my nostrils. And I hate it!

Today I also dropped one of those _very big_ pickled cucumber jars straight to our wooden floor (it hit my foot first and I'm sure there's going to be repercussions later..) and you guessed right; it broke into thousand shards of piercing glass all over the place. Was just extremely hilarious trying to pick all those up without doing any more damage. And to top it all up our living room now smells like a long lost wet sock you found under the couch.

Things are just going smooth =)

On the bright side we've been playing great boardgames the last couple of weeks. I'm all into them now and can't wait 'til the next play-night. I've only just recently found out about all these _serious_ games out there, not those crappy throw the dice and move your maggot up the ladder ones. It's just a nice way to spend time and do some thinking on the side, a little bit of socializing involved too since I'm really getting fed up by work even though it's only 4 hours a day but still I'm not meant to do stuff like that =)
Anyway, I can totally recommend anything by Reiner Knizia, gamewise of course. The last three I've bought have been designed by him; Amun-re, Samurai and Through the desert. All great games that have a strange simplistic feel to them but on the inside reveal their true nature. They seem very easy but actually give you pretty hard time to come up with good strategies.

think I'll put a few pictures to lighten up the design ((which is something I have always had my eyes on, be it a game, a painting or whatever crosses my sight..))














Who can resist the power of the pastel camels!!!
OK, I'm officially tired and should go to bed and read my nightly Pratchett until I drop. Happy holidays everyone!

Voi luola sentäs, kyllä tästä pitää hiippailla nukkumaan pikkuhiljaa.. Kylläpä oli hassu mesta tuo. Pitää jossain vaiheessa tutkailla enemmänkin =)



ps. voi vittu en ees huomannu et siel on toi hansonikin!! haha!

Turussa vaan sataa ja ei oo lunta. Van-maista.

Mutta onneksi on keikkoja, ja onneksi törmäsin La Casa Fantom -nimiseen orkesteriin.
Soittavat pelkällä bassolla ja rummuilla tuollaista härömusaa, sekoitus hc:ta, trashiä,
folk-musiikkia, ja kuka ties mitä muuta. SUOSITTELEN lämpimästi kaikille ikään ja sukupuoleen
katsomatta. En oo tiennytkää että näin monimutkasta saa noin pienellä kokoonpanolla aikaiseksi,
nyt tiedän ja rakastan!

Lisää lisää lisää! Harmi että ostin jo koko tuotannon keikalta (2 älppyä) tai on kai niillä
jotain seiskoja mut mut.. seiskat on seiskoja vaikka voissa paistas, niitä jaksa koskaa oikee
ees ettiä tuolta hyllystä ja änkeä soittimeen vain sen takia että parin minsan päästä pitää vaihtaa
uus tilalle.

facts of life.

Jännittää huominen työpäivä, joudun olee yksin talolla kääk kääk.. ikinä tiedä mitä tapahtuu.

Mutta, nyt herätteleen Jenua sohvalta ja lukeen Pratchettiä että sais vähä unta palloon. Ai niin,
jotenkin Pratchetistä tuli mieleen Gaiman, ja sen toiseksi uusin blogimerkintä (www.neilgaiman.com/journal) jossa on videopätkä Helsingin Valituskuoron esiintymisestä, kannattaa käydä tsekkaamassa, virnistelin melko lailla sitä kuunnellessa =)

I am walking in dreams,
eating the rhymes that are
like purple light-beams.

Feasting on sugarcoated cartoons
and marshmellow moons.
Dreaming
a
dream without sleeping;
Where cats are running and screaming,
dancing through the streets of
medieval "Manhattan"
they come to my door ringing.

I wake and shudder, blow them away
kill
the
night
from the tears and sway.

Falling again like I did once before
the time of laughter and youth comes to me.

The ground is as hard as it ever has been,
no matter where or why or when I've it seen.


--

Määää tipuin sängystä! Ei tälläistä tapahdu.

Saa nähdä tuleeko ihan tuollaista halloweeniä (katso loppu) kun sitä lauantaina viettämään lähden, mutta katsotaan nyt =))

Töissä on ihan ok olla välillä, varsinkin kun se kestää vain 4 h päivä. Ei se silti mun juttu ole vieläkään, mutta tuleepa pikkusen enemmän ees matkapussiin kuin ennen.

Talvikin sitten tuli ryminällä! Olipas sangen mukavaa sotkea ensin märissä paksuissa ja painavissa nietoksissa ja myöhemmin loskapaskaräntäsateessa itsensä keuhkokuumeen partaalle. Kiitokset rakkaalle kun sain paksumpipyöräisen pyörän eikä tarvinnut yrittää säätää itseään auton alle sivuliirrossa kapeammilla mesopotamien keksinnöillä. ((jotenkin on vain hullua että pyörä on keksitty nykyisen Iraqin paikalla olleessa mestassa.. en pääse siitä nyt jostain syystä yli, varsinkin kun luulisi ettei se ihan niin vanha keksintö ole))

Mutta en malta odottaa että pääsee tekemään lumilinnoja ja ukkoja ja kaikkea mitä nyt mieleen juolahtaakin!!! _Mennäänhän_!

Eipä tässä muuta kuin happy hunting arr arr!! Ja tällänen hassunhauska ennustus perään..

You went trick or treating as Orco.
Achilles gave you AMagicBean.
GrumpyBear gave you TheAntivirus.
MalReynolds gave you TheRedPill.
AndyDufresne gave you AMothball.
You had a delightful time until Romeo accidently drove your ship into an iceberg.

What's Your Trick-or-Treat Haul?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG

Kaikenlaisia kummastuttavia kuvia. Näkyjä päivistä joiden keskellä olen minä.
Tai en tiedä olenko keskellä. Kulmista aloitetaan ja vain tietynlaiset palaset
sopivat. Pitää blokata muut jotta voi selvitä hengissä.

Kuoret ovat läpinäkyviä. Niin kuin kaikki tässä maailmassa. Alan olla samaa
mieltä kääpiöiden kanssa siitä, että sanojen pyyhkiminen on rikoksista pahin.
Olisi kiva tietää menneestä, kokea se kaikki ilman välikäsiä vääristämässä.
Me kuljemme oikeasti ajassa taaksepäin. Tulevaisuudesta historian pyhiin
pyörteisiin. Tai niin Peikot ainakin tekevät.

Ota käsiisi paperia ja kynä. Piirrä viiva ja kirjoita elämäsi alku ja
loppu sen päihin. Jos keskipisteessä olisit sinä niin tietäisitkö
olevasi siellä?

Minun viivani on niin lyhyt ettei sitä näy pisteiden välistä.

Silti joskus tekee mieli aloittaa suunnitteleminen. Änkeä pisteitä sinne
tänne ja katsoa josko ne osuisivat oikeaan joskus hamassa menneisyydessä.
Tulevaisuus on jo kirjoitettu, sen luovat hetket tästä viimeiseen, monestiko
ihmiset ovat yrittäneet pyyhkiä noita sanoja. Montako rikosta on jo ehtinyt
tapahtua!?